"Please! Can I Love you? Not like I'll stop loving you overnight, but I could work it slowly out of my system!

I'll love you come what may!

Even if you hate me!"

Promises of loving you forever, being there forever, holding your hand at all times... Promises... Those you believed...

But forever came too quickly...

Forever was when you didn't live up to his principles, his idea of ethics...

Forever was when you laughed at one of his delusional ideas purely out of lack of expressions or because you actually thought it was ridiculously funny...

Forever was when you disagreed...

Forever was when you were yourself...

Forever was when you weren't perfect.

Forever was too short...

A million 'forevers' in a lifetime

Heartchipped a million times, not heartbroken because you're too strong and ready to give off another chip to another disappoinment, another failure, another broken promise...

It was surreal when he appreciated the way you did things, admired who you were, heaped praises on your crappy hand-writing, criticized you and your egotistical self didn't mind, held up a mirror to you and for the first time you looked into yourself and didn't hide and slink away... Shared his secrets, his unusual ideas, talked to you about things he was passionate about with so much zest and animation... Lay his self wide open for you to look into another life...

You wouldn't believe how somebody could make you feel like the Sun of the system, how you finally found a Friend! With no prefixes or suffixes...

How you knew, how previleged you were to have this, share this relationship with another human being... not a boy or a girl, but a person...

How you hesitated, unbelievingly, searching for motive, cynically at first because this was the first time you received that much attention...

How you felt worthy, finally...

You finally stated giving in and opening up.

Because you knew it was different...

Different because it was true

And you believed everything he said like you always had and ended up with just another jolting reality of hollow words.

But you trusted this time because you knew it was different...

It Evidently wasn't...

Forever was too short and it came too quickly.

I repulse myself...

I wish I wouldn't judge judgment.

9,46,08,000 Seconds in pain, ectasy and restlessness...

15,76,800 Minutes of sorrow, selflessness and desolution...

26,280 Hours of silence, hope and oblivion...

1,095 Days of hate, sacrifice and tears...

156 Weeks of agony, joy, acceptance and expectations...

36 Months of anger, hunger, anticipation, rejection, deliberation and satisfaction...

3 Years in Love.

Living with a beating heart which beats not to keep you alive but for a whole different reason...
How Ever unworthy the reason may be... Love that might seem wasted...but was not,will never be..

Torn to death a million times with the realisation of the futility of your situation... But every shred of you is alive... scattered, but alive... Alive because you are aware... Aware of how you adore him with all your being... ''I'' doesn't exist anymore... "I" does all for him... "I'' don't want anything but his happiness, as "I" can't have him...

To dissolve oneself to the consistency of the Elixir that flows forever in the name of Life...
You didn't know You were capable of so much Love... You're amazed by your immense capacity to Love and to give so much off of you that you are just a hollow but yet so full and complete..

Suddenly you find yourself... you feel yourself coming together in his arms... you are whole again! just to melt away again in his careless hold... Your fingers meshed and hand entangled with his, you can't tell one from the other's... total submission to that one moment when you feel all the trials and the countless little heartbreaks were in waiting for this acknowledgement...

When the entire universe seems to be tiptoeing around you, to let you have your moment of Absolution...of silence, of belonging, of contentment...

The moment passed and you are left with just the feeling of whether it was or was not... Were you dreaming or were you dreaming...

You probably were dreaming...because you are again left with the hollow filled with your futile Love and emptiness. And the futility of it all makes you want to burst out with laughter...venom...tears...laughter...blood...life...laughter...death... survival...laughter...