9,46,08,000 Seconds in pain, ectasy and restlessness...

15,76,800 Minutes of sorrow, selflessness and desolution...

26,280 Hours of silence, hope and oblivion...

1,095 Days of hate, sacrifice and tears...

156 Weeks of agony, joy, acceptance and expectations...

36 Months of anger, hunger, anticipation, rejection, deliberation and satisfaction...

3 Years in Love.

Living with a beating heart which beats not to keep you alive but for a whole different reason...
How Ever unworthy the reason may be... Love that might seem wasted...but was not,will never be..

Torn to death a million times with the realisation of the futility of your situation... But every shred of you is alive... scattered, but alive... Alive because you are aware... Aware of how you adore him with all your being... ''I'' doesn't exist anymore... "I" does all for him... "I'' don't want anything but his happiness, as "I" can't have him...

To dissolve oneself to the consistency of the Elixir that flows forever in the name of Life...
You didn't know You were capable of so much Love... You're amazed by your immense capacity to Love and to give so much off of you that you are just a hollow but yet so full and complete..

Suddenly you find yourself... you feel yourself coming together in his arms... you are whole again! just to melt away again in his careless hold... Your fingers meshed and hand entangled with his, you can't tell one from the other's... total submission to that one moment when you feel all the trials and the countless little heartbreaks were in waiting for this acknowledgement...

When the entire universe seems to be tiptoeing around you, to let you have your moment of Absolution...of silence, of belonging, of contentment...

The moment passed and you are left with just the feeling of whether it was or was not... Were you dreaming or were you dreaming...

You probably were dreaming...because you are again left with the hollow filled with your futile Love and emptiness. And the futility of it all makes you want to burst out with laughter...venom...tears...laughter...blood...life...laughter...death... survival...laughter...

The Backstage...26/11/2007

Sitting in the solidity of absolute darkness... I wonder if I should be Breathing...
I feel the heaviness around me...Moving even one muscle would mean crashing mercilessly against a rock that you're set in...
Like you're one with the dense overpowering engulfing absence of matter and light...Quite ironic though,because you ARE the matter... the presence of matter is so omnious that the concept of it would be ridiculous.
Imagine a Giant hand dropped you into a bowl of liquid jelly mixture like in one of those unnecessarily,pointless violent depictions in shows like Tom and Jerry...and its been hours in the freezer... the only difference being, there is no flexibility. You can't wobble like you would if you were inside set jelly- Mango flavoured,bright yellow[Sllurrrrp...]...
No movement,
No fun,
No sensation,
No perception,
No Colour.